“So he sent me a ping at 12:15 am asking if I was still there, do you think I should write him back today? It’s been 12 hours.”
Sadly, this desperate remark did not take place 15 years ago when I was in high school, nor does it have anything to do with romantic entanglement. It’s an active conversation on my work blackberry between me and one of my coworkers. I am 31, my coworker is 38. We are discussing our boss’s boss. OMG, I’m 16 again.
In my defense, I am very anxiously awaiting word on my fate at work. I have been temporarily promoted (as is the standard proceedure for my company), but this 5 month promotion and it’s pay raise is scheduled to come to an end in 2 weeks and I am beside myself trying to figure out my fate. Are they going to find another home for me? A permanent one? Maybe there will be another temporary assignment. Or maybe the story ends here for a while, I will go back to my old position and (even worse) my old pay.
In the grand scheme of things this is really nothing to loose sleep over. One way or the other I have a job, which is more than 9.2% of the population can say. Besides, I have very little control over my fate, so why should I worry? What is the point of analyzing every gesture, every innocuous comment, every little “well I heard from a reliable source…” But then again, aren’t we somewhat programmed to do just that? I am certainly no sociologist, but I would like to think that this is fairly normal. I am definitely hoping it is not just me anyway. There must be some benefit in gathering multiple points of view, but in the end it certainly doesn’t change things. Is there is power in sharing your fears, collecting the information, and just knowing that someone who has been in your shoes can tell you (and mean it) that it will all turn out in the end, that you just need to go with the flow? Does this allow us the illusion of control? Or is it just me? Regardless, the one thing that does change from 16 to 31 is the confidence to go forward. The growing well of life experience that tells you that while you cannot control others, you can control yourself and that it is not the end of the world if you don’t get your way. Everything will work itself out, just do the best job you can.
Okay, deep breath. I’ll send him a text.